"O brave new world that has such people in't."

I have decided to enter the world of online dating.  It's something I've been encouraged to do by my group (as in therapy) and by some friends.  Or, rather, those friends have indicated that nice, available, intelligent men do not just float down the street and up to your door.

To this I say - "Dammit!  Why not?"

So, I have taken the necessary steps and signed up, made my profile, posted an accurate picture of myself and sent messages to strangers online.  I got two message responses the other night.  Let's call them, Bachelor #1 and Bachelor #2.

The conversation with Bachelor #1 started off a little confusing, cleared itself up somewhere in the middle, then got weird.  For me, at least.  Here's a dramatic re-creation of the conversation:

Me: Hi!  I like your profile.  Blah, blah, blah about a nice vacation I went on once.
B#1: Did you read my personality questions?
Me: Yeah.  Sort of.  I skimmed.
B#1: I'm unique.
Me: ...
B#1: A unique individual.
Me: ...  (re-reading)
Me: ... (reading some more.  Hmmm, says here that if he met someone who was EVERYTHING he wanted, except the body-type, it would be a deal breaker.)
Me:  Ah, I see here that fatties are a deal breaker.  No worries.  Best of luck.  (my actual response)
B#1: Whoa, whoa.  If you got a little extra it looks good in corsets!  Bonus, right?

[I really should have stopped it right there.  But I was trying to be open to new people.]

B#1:  Read my stuff again.  I'm not hung up on body types.
Me: ...  (re-reading)
B#1:  I have a unique lifestyle.
Me: ... (reading)
B#1: I like playing.  Do you know what that is?
Me: Role-playing?  Sexual or D&D?

[I was REALLY hoping for D&D to be the answer]

B#1: Sexual.  But if you're nice, you can teach me D&D.

[HA!  D&D must be LIVED muthafucka!]

Me:  Well, RPGs are a little like sexual role-play, I guess.  Your role playing involves dice less often than mine does.
B#1: It doesn't have to.  
B#1: What kind of toys do you have?
Me: ...
Me: *blink*
Me: *blink, blink*

Me:  Call me old fashioned, but I think we could be talking about ANYTHING before discussing my toy selection.

==================

Bachelor #2 seemed like a nice enough man.  I sent him a generic message and he responded with a polite, but firm, "I'm used to people dumping me when I start to talk about God being a mythic figure."  If I was smarter, I would've made a joke about the Epic of Gilgamesh and the Bible.  

So, as it stands, judging me by my sex toy collection trumps God hangups in the "Strange Shit You Put Up With When Looking For A Date Online" list.  I have a feeling the list will get longer and stranger as I progress.